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Re-organising my folders this afternoon, I came on the following quotes from a Far Eastern bootleg of The Two Towers, probably by the same people responile for the well known 'Backstroke of the West' mistranslations. They are actually just as good as those...
Frodo finds it hard not to take sides:
Gandalf: You're most unneutral for a hobbit.
Gandalf and Bilbo argue about the Ring
Bilbo: It's on a little shelf for medals. It's in the tenth envelope on the mantlepiece. But why not. After all it is maybe came to me. Perhaps.
Gandalf (losing his patience) Don't make me show you cheap old cauldron tricks!
Gandalf summarises the entire film in 5 words:
Sauron forges ring. Men doomed.
Gandalf continues to explain the backplot:
The spitting of Sauron still continues.
Gimli offers the hospitality of Balin to the Fellowship:
In Moria we will feast on tasty fruit stones.
You will soon feel the questionable hospitality of the Dwarves
Gandalf shows his merciful nature to Frodo:
Frodo: What a pity Bilbo didn't kill [Gollum] when he had the chance!
Gandalf: Yes, it's a pity.
Gandalf advises the Fellowship as the Balrog drags him off the Bridge of Khazad-dum:
Follow, you fools!
Galadriel seems to have some trouble remembering where she is:
Welcome to the Land of Shadow!
Frodo examines the available lembas:
I know it is old frog food
Hama will not let the members of the Fellowship into Edoras:
I cannot let you in front of the king with so many arms
Wormtongue chastises Eowyn:
Can you not see your uncle is wearied by your mall content?
Gandalf explains the political situation to the recovered Theoden:
Isengard is Solomon's melon dish.
Merry helps Treebeard to distinguish between trees and people:
But we are not oaks, we are hobbits
Gimli, unable to see over wall of the Hornburg, enquires of Legolas:
Is there a fight?
Gimli, coming out of the postern gate at the Hornburg, suddenly feels that his bravery should be recognised by a swift drink:
Gimli: Toast me!
Aragorn: What?
Gimli: I said you must toast me.
Pippin enjoys the beer and tobacco found in Isengard:
I feel like I'm a green dragon
Legolas detects the presence of a sleepless malice:
In the East there is a sort of insomnia illness
Arwen accepts her fate:
I will survive my death
Elrond offers Aragorn some advice on seeking allies :
Call the Nazgul to war. They will obey only you.
Gandalf shows his keen grasp of military matters the night before Pelennor:
It will be either defeat or victory!
Faramir makes a surprising report on the behaviour of a city:
Osgiliath has crossed the river.
Theoden offers some advice on self defense:
Take my throne in Meduseld. You can defend yourself with it.
Theoden leads his men to war:
Go! Go! Attack Gondor!
Denethor orders Faramir to retake Osgiliath
Faramir: If I return, think better of me.
Denethor: It wouldn't be polite of you to return.
Denethor throws Pippin out:
He died the death of a paladin. Now get lost. And best wishes to you.
Gandalf commands the retreat:
The city is taken. Let's go to the 2nd floor.
Eowyn reveals her true identity to the Witch-King:
Witch-King: You cannot harm me you foolish woman.
Eowyn: I am a man.