![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
INDIVIDUL TEACHERS must be sure to:
1) Lock the remote control and pen for the interactive whiteboard in your desk draw. Be sure to take away the key.
2) Request that a particular text book be used which is not in your classroom. Supply teachers love playing hide and seek while a bottom set Y9 are left unattended.
3)Organise a room swap and fail to tell the cover supervisor
4) Leave a note saying 'The students are aware what they should do'. Invariably, they have no clue because they weren't bloody listening. Anyway, mean retention time for things said by the teacher is about 3 minutes, in my experience.
SCHOOLS:
1) Have a policy of leaving the work in the departmental office rather than in the classroom. Your supply teachers are all psychic and can immediately guess where your departmental office is. Extra points if said office is on another floor, or, in one case, in another building.
2) Have a policy of not allowing supply teachers to use any computer equipment under any circumstances, when your school is new build with no available writing surfaces other than a Smartboard.
3) Assign a supply teacher a register for a class which is in assembly, after the assembly starts. We are of course able to guess immediately the names of all the kids without speaking or disrupting the assembly
AND FINALLY OF COURSE
Make sure that you set work which will provide an opportunity for the pupils to start making stupid jokes about sex. For example(all these are true):
a) there was no reason the fish-eating bird in your worksheet about a seaside food web coudn't have been a cormorant or a gannet. Why did you pick a shag?
b) do not ask your class to to do the 'title page' for the reproduction topic that they are going to do next as extension work.
c) asking Year 9 to design a 'Welcome to [name of our town]' poster, is, in general an excellent idea. Promtes community spirit, is suitably open ended, and when they have finished you can tell them to think of a contracting design emphasising some other aspect. However there is an exception. Please do NOT set this work if your school is situated in Penistone.