Bonzo's boring rambling

alcina2 @ 2009-11-05T20:54:00

2009-11-05T20:57:42Z

Mmmkay. Naming your kids after characters in your fandom...really sad and a Bad Idea.

Giving kids the name of a Vala (Valie, whatever)...rather presumptious, no? Not acording to the parents of those I am teaching.

Clearly poor 11-year-old Yavanna's parents don't think so... *sigh*

In which I poke about on the Tolkien Wiki

2009-10-30T17:17:40Z

On the Tolkien Wiki I have just come accross one of the most interesting pictures attempting to show the Lord of Mordor in his fair form. I'm not too convinced by the Sith eyes, but the 'you seriously do not want to mess with me expression is rather good.

What do you guys think?

In which I am amused

2009-10-28T20:04:16Z

My mother has just marked an exam paper of a candidate called Weng Chiang. Yesterday, she marked the paper of one Mohammed, son of Fart.

I swear I am not making this up.

Birding...

2009-10-27T21:46:59Z

Finally got to see a Cetti's today for the Year List. Yay!

The point...it is over there, away from your comprehension...

2009-10-27T21:32:27Z

On the BBC website tonight, under the temporary homepage headline "Branded for life...student caper goes awry" we get this article :http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/8327978.stm

I just love the way the 'burns specialist has warned (sic) the students will have permanent scarring.'. From branding. permanent scars. Well, gee, I'm glad to have the input of a burns speialist; I'm sure no one would ever expect a branding iron to leave permanent scars... *sigh*

What really pisses me off is the way the BBC acts as if the scars are an uninended and unexpected side effect (as in 'goes awry'). Can't norms and consumerists accept that anyone may want something they don't want?

*sits on hands to keep them away from very hot things in sheer defiance of society's expectations right now*

In which I have a strange Lord of the Rings related vivid dream

2009-10-26T21:13:04Z

I have long had a recurring dream where I am the Ambassador of the slaves of Mordor who were granted freedom and their own nation by Aragorn at the end of the Third Age, and in every case I have expressed the fact that the human servants of Mordor are unwilling to acept his overlordship and consider themselves in a state of war against Gondor, to fall in hopeless battle rather than to failo to attempt vengeance for the fallen Lord who they love.

Last night the dream came again, but this time I expressed my embassy not in words bu by singing a da capo aria (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Da_capo_aria if you don't already know) in the style of Hnadel but even more beautiful (if that's possible). And Gods! I wish I could sing that way in real life! And Gods, I wish I could see the look of shock and bewilderment on Aragorn's face when he understood my meaning.

I couldn't remember the exact aria on waking, but here is the nearest I can manage. I know it sounds like doggerel, but then so do all da capo arias when written without music, don't they, especially because the standard rhyme schemes and scansion don't really suit English?

Imagine it with sad music by Handel. OK?

To sorrow now fated,
For land desecrated
And glory abated
Forever I mourn

For Lord fallen sighing
All others denying
In living or dying
For ever I mourn

His memory beside me
I ever shall keep
Though others deride me
I always shall weep

My tears, pain yet beauty,
Than Void yet more deep
Are my holy duty
I always shall weep

(da capo)

OOOOOH!

2009-10-21T22:05:08Z

Unless it's a piece of misinformation that's been creeping over the web Christopher Tolkien has authorised a bunch of Tolkien scholars to publish their own newsletter about otherwise unpublished linguistic writing of Tolkien's...and 2 years ago they published this:

Sauron's original name was Mairon, but this was altered after he was suborned by Melkor. But he continued to call himself Mairon the Admirable, or Tar-mairon 'King Excellent' until after the downfall of Númenor.

I read that to mean His true name, in the same way that Melkor is a true name.

I have to admit it feels right, and not just beause of the aptness of the meaning. I've long called Him Annatar, and the meaning there is also suitable but this just feels...more right.

For example: http://folk.uib.no/hnohf/sauronname.htm

Just boggle

2009-10-19T21:19:16Z

First up, it seems someone has so fundamentally missed the point of a wedding that they think that it is spiled if the photgrapher screw up.

Second they paid HOW MUCH????? to the photographer?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bradford/8315495.stm

It's October, so round this one comes again...

2009-10-16T15:10:06Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/foyle_and_west/8306222.stm

*sigh*

In which I comment on a bank

2009-10-15T12:33:09Z

My bank have written to me this morning telling me that I am guaranteed a 25000 pound loan. Isn't that nice?

Hang on, I thought it was irresponsible lending by banks that got the world into finiancial crisis in the first place?

I've been banking with them for 21 years, so they know that for the last 8.5 years I've been a supply teacher, with money coming in erratically and no guarantee of any coming in at all. They know my income ususally come to 12-14k per year. They also know I'm currently unemployed. But they are offering to lend me twice my average annual income, no questions asked.

Er... just *boggle*

Now is the hour when we draw swords together

2009-10-14T16:48:28Z

IN which I recount a holiday in Scotland, part the third

2009-10-14T13:00:48Z

In the two installments previously published on this topic, I recounted my first day and a half in Scotland, and how my plans for bird-seeking were going very well thus far.

It was now about 1pm on my second day there, and as I needed the loo and lunch I decided to go to the RSPB reserve at Loch Garten. It was here that my luck began to change; I could tell by the total lack of visible ospreys. How the hell can a person go to loch garten and see no ospreys?

I hope those feeders are squirrel-proof. And what's with the bleached-blond tail?

My next miscalculation was not realising that the reserve didn't sell snacks; I then had to waste part of the day driving to Aviemore for fish and chips. After this, I decided to go for the another of my secondary targets, the bredding Slavonian Grebes at Loch Ruthven. Were there any grebes? Were there hell.

Howver, there was the most incredible ancient birch forest; think illustrations of Fangorn, but with birches...

Moss and fungus and stuff!

More amazing growths on trees

Even the bare boulders are green and rich...

Hmm. So things are definitely going downhill on the birding front. Time for a second visit to the raptor viewpoint at Findhorn.

Were there any eagles. What do you think :(

And so to bed where I sat reading up on sites to find crested tits and making notes on them ready to try in the morning. Phoned the mother on the hotel payphone, as there was no mobile coverage in the village; payphone, like everything else today, wasn't working properly and I only manged a 10 second call bedore it decided to start refusing my money. Oh well, at least the mother knew I was alive... Set the alarm clock for 5am and went to bed.

(Further frustrations, disasters and duff gen in the next post, along with more pictures)

I wonder what it signifies when you dream that you are tring to check into a hotel stark naked? Still it has to be better than the dream I had last week where I was attending a cocktail party on Taniquetil. *shudders*

In which I mess about with photoshop

2009-10-13T16:53:35Z

Go on then put your hand on your heart and tell me you never wanted to make a picture like this when you were re-reading Lord of the Rings:

In which I post pictures that I meant to post a long while ago

2009-10-09T14:01:09Z

A couple of months ago I posted some pictures from the first day of my (not very successful) birding trip to Speyside. It's high time I posted about Day 2 of that break.

The second day of my holiday I began by seeking ptarmigan. These birds are only found on the top of Munros, and since birders do not climb mountains for entertainment, most get their ptarmigans on Cairn Gorm. The reason is simple; there's a car park half way up :)

The downside is, there's a carpark half way up. And a cafe near the top. So it is one of the most popular with people who like going walking :( So, like most birders, I decided it would be prudent to get there for 6am.

It's very quiet up here at 6am!

Gods, it's steep on Windy Ridge. It doesn't show up in the piccie, but for about half a mile it's about a 45 degree slope...

Now, as those of you wjo know me in reality know, I am fat and extremely unfir, such that I get out of breath climbin a normal flight of stairs...

Oh great, now it's pissing it down. The mountain is so high that half the time I'm inside the cloud. I didn't know it could rain INSIDE a cloud. I know now why it's called windy ridge; I've been blown over twice. Now is not really the best time to discover that the only Ventolin I've got with me is empty, is it? Has someone put bricks in my backpack when I wasn't looking?

Where's the top?

Hang on, one of those rocks, just croaked at me. Oh, and now six of the rocks have started running along the footpath...hang on, those aren't rocks.

AHA!!!!!! I feel better.

The only problem is, the easy way down (the furnicular) doesn't open till 10am. It's only 8.30. What to do? Oh well, I've got this far I might as well go on to the top and see what the top of a mountian is like...

Where I live, they keep sheep on the mountains...

Phew!

There was no-one to photograph me standing in triumph by the cairn on the top, so I photographed my binoculars...

It's high up here...

Who says fat unfit people can't make it to the top while having an asthma attack? After this, I went to the furnicular to get a ride down. The bloke admitting walkers to the furnicular station looked at me a bit oddly. I guess he doesn't see many fat women knocking on the door...

There are luminous flowers up here, or at least violently fluorescent! The picture doesn't do them justice...

The people who go up the furnicular to look at the view seem to be people who more usually found at Alton Towers, and think that going up a furnicular is really scary. The people I shared a carriage with on the way down seemed to think they were very brave to ride it. They also looked absolutely stunned at the idea that I had walked up, and looked at me as if I had grown 3 heads. Or perhaps they too thought fat people couldn't climb mountains...

So far, my Scottish trip had gone very well; I'd got one of my secondary targets (BT Diver) the first night, and my morning of ptarmigan seeking had been a success. However, I might as well have gone home, for all the luck I had in the rest of my trip...

(More to follow)

Now I'm off to read Tolkien.

In which I muse on things Tolkien changed after writing the first draft of LotR

2009-10-07T14:45:57Z

I've almost finished re-reading the books of the 'History of Middle earth' which cover the draft versions of LotR. Two things strike me.

First, I'm astonished to notice that several of Peter Jackson's alterations to the story come from draft versions. I would really LOVE to know whether or not he had read them or been told about them, or whether he came up with them independently. If the last, it would be very curious. (For example, Aragorn seriously considering Eowyn as a romantic interest, the attack by wolf riders on the way to the Hornburg (though without any tombstoning by Aragorn), Saruman genuinely being in league with Mordor...and a lot more that I've forgotten.)

Secondly, there are a couple of things that I really wish from a personal point of view he'd kept. In the first, the Army of the Dead answer Aragorn's call and follow him to where the Corsairs are fighting, incidentally scaring people, but when some of the Corsairs stand at bay, they refuse to actually do anything, leaving Aragorn saying, like a headmaster 'Look , if you refuse to fight Mordor a second time then I'm really going to...'

And in the other alternative version I really love is the idea that the Herald who rides to parley from the Black Gate was born in Gondor, of noble birth, who one day as a young man decided just to march up to the Morannon of his own free will and ask to be allowed to enter the service of Mordor. Gods yes!

In which an exam board manages to eceed even its own standards of incompetence

2009-10-07T10:50:23Z

My mother and I have the misfortune to scrape together less than the minimum wage by marking GCSEs and O-levels for one of the major UK exam boards (I won't say which, but I imagine any teacher can guess; the mention of O-levels rather gives it away ;)

In the last 3 weeks they have managed to:

1) Send my mother 4 copies of the examiners' mark scheme in 4 envelopes, rather then the customary one
2) Send me a form to book accomodation for a standardisation meeting; such meetings haven't existed in Core Science GCSE for 3 years
3) This morning, credited my mother's bank account with 8 quid for remoderating a Diploma in Business Studies for a 6th Form College in Surrey. (My mother marks English papers from Pakistan and Singapore).

I'm impressed.

Still no work :( Off to read more Tolkien...

alcina2 @ 2009-10-01T15:15:00

2009-10-01T14:25:25Z

No work today :(

I spent tha afternoon driving round out-of-town shopping areas looking for a cheap matress. Recently mine has become so infested with sut mites that I am waking up 4 or 5 times per night to take my Salbutamol, and this is not desirable.

However, 'buying a cheap matress' is easier said than done. I should have expected it really. If you want an expensive matress, that's fine, you can just go and buy one. But of you want a cheap one you have to order it, wait 3 weeks for it to turn up...and pay them for delivery. Nice little scam to sell expensive matresses, that.

I've also bought some new half-pint glasses of Matalan's excellent design and elegence, some wrapping paper to wrap Teh Mothers' Solstice presents (if they are wrapped I can leave them out in pblic places and they will cease to have to be hidden in my clothing-storage-space) and another set of bedlinien so I don't have to wash them every bloody week. Yay for Dunelm Mills for actually selling black bedlinen!

One of Matalan's ranges of glass/crockery is called 'Turin'. Wtf?

Other than that, I have spent the week diligently reading Tolkien. Sooner or later there will be sound of my head imploding at yet another draft of 'A long-expected party'.

let's face it I was bound to write something about this eventually...

2009-09-30T13:45:00Z

I've now got as far with my Tolkien reading as the first drafts of the passages set in Moria.

In the first draft, written no earlier than the Autumn of 1940 and no later than early 1942, the Balrog is described as being man-sized, with glowing eyes, a whip and a sword. It brings terror and is on fire. Revealingly, it is clearly visible; there is no mention of its being surrounded by darkness; it's arms are long and it has a red tongue. So it's clear that at this point, Tolkien saw Balrogs as something not unlike mega orcs, although it still freaked out Legolas. Since he mentioned tongue, eyes, arms, weapons and fire, it seems pretty certain that if he thought it had wings he would hav ementioend them. From this we can certainly deduce that pre-1940 the Balrogs in the Silmarillion were wingless too.

A few weeks later, in a neat rewrite, the Balrog is slightly larger than man-size, and now surrounded by shadow. The shadow 'reached out like great wings'. But the sentence that causes so many arguments ('its wings were spread from wall to wall') did not arise until the final revision of the text for publication some time later, at the same time it became 'greater' than man shape.

I think that whatever we believe about the aoronautical abilities of Balrogs, we can all agree that Tolkien decided to upgrade Balrogs to something much scarier in the intervening years, probably to make Gandalf's fight more impressive.

In which a certain supply agency fail to get their act together again

2009-09-30T10:32:25Z

I got a call this morning offering me work. Yay! think I money!

Only...hang on a minute, there are some problems with my file, so they can't send me out today; they'll phone back later to sort it out.

They do indeed phone back later...to tell me that what is missing is the dates in which I was in the job which gave me a reference. Which is on the CV I sent you, but nevermind, you must have missed that. And proof of address which I have already supplied.

Grrrrrrrrrr.

In which I fail to see birds and indulge in more mild Tolkien geekery

2009-09-28T17:36:51Z

1) Birding yesterday was a complete bust. My intention had been to go first to Teeside, where there was a Buff-breasted Sandpiper, and then to track down one of the recent influx of Glossy Ibises just north of Newcastle.

Arrived at the BB Sand site; 20 men at the roadside all looking the same way. 'Is it showing?' 'Yes. Look at the tall mast and then...oh, bother!' for at that moment a peregrine came over and flushed every bird; no-one saw when the BB Sand went. I looked for it from various vantage points for the next 4 hours, but it was never seen again. Meanwhile: Blue-winged teal at the Allotment pond (a mile down a footpath). Forced march for a mile carrying a telescope and tripod. 'Is it showing?' "It was until about a minute ago...it's gone inot the reeds.' Experience has taught me that when BW teal go inot the reeds, you're in deep trouble. Wait and hour. Like all BW teal that go into reeds, it doesn't come out again.

And by now it's too late to drive to Newcastle.

2) I am steadily prgressing through the reading of Tolkien, and am now ploughing through the early draft versions of LotR.

I'm very much struck by the fact that there are very clear answers in the drafts to the much-asked question about the amount of co-operation between the inabitants of Moria and the Lord of Mordor.

In this context it's interesting to note that in the early drafts it's quite explicit that the inhabitants are servants of Mordor; Trotter/Aragorn has been captured there in the past and taken to Mordor, the role later filled by the Balrog is first filled by a Nazgul, and it is explicitly stated at the Council of Elrond that the destruction of Balin's colony there was a result of the actions of the Lord of Mordor.

Now it's true that he may have changed his mind later (as he did about the wind on Caradhras being controlled by the Lord of Mordor during subsequent drafts), but so far I see no evidence. And it is noticeable that a later-introduced passage has Gandalf saying that the lack of remaining mithril-items in Moria is a result of orcs gathering it and giving it 'in tribute to [the Lord of Mordor], who covets it'

It's not MY job to work the tills!

2009-09-24T20:25:01Z

Yesterday I went to B and Q to buy some garden shears to clip the hedge. I go to check out, and find that NOT ONE of the checkouts has anyone on duty. The only employee is standing overseeing 6 (count them 6) self-service tills.

Point the first:
When I go to restaurant, I don't expect to do the cooking
When I hire a taxi, I don't expect to drive the car
And when I go to a shop I don't expect to work the till. I did enough of that when I was a student and working retail in the vacation to earn money, thanks.

Point the second:
There is ONE emplyee for 6 tills. The person in front of me has 30 identical planks of wood. And unlike the tills I used to work when I was a till-monkey in retail, there's no obvious way with these tills to scan an item and then multiply it by 30.

So, you'd imagine you could just scan the same item 30 times, leaving the others in the cart, as I somtimes used to do when the till was carrying on cranky in my retail days? WRONG! After scanning an item you apparently have to put it in a specific place on the counter before you can ring up the next. (putting it your own backpack to save the planet??? No Way! Prohibited! Must use plastic!!!!!)

So of couse the customer calls over the empoyee, who is helping three other people deal with this poorly designed set up before he gets to her. He does an override to multiply it by -0 (because you couldn't get organised and programme the damn things to let the customer do it; That would be Teh Hard Computing!)

Point the third:
My turn comes and I ring up the shears. And because they have OMG!!!! pointybits!!!! the till then locks up until the employee finishes with everyone before me and comes over to verify that I am indeed 18 as the law requires (or, as the till claimed 21. Apparently the law of B and Q-land is different from the law of England.)

Now, it seems to me that if you sell age restricted products, you ought to have at least one till open, since there will be a delay while an emplyee some over to vouch for you...

This was my first encounter with 'self check out' the supposed ly soooooo convenient. You can bet it will also be my last, unless shops get better organised..

In which I finalise a menu

2009-09-23T17:15:43Z

Hurrah! I have finalised the menu for the Winter Solstice Feast!

Button mushrooms in lemon and black pepper veloute(1) sauce
Cream of beetroot soup
Chinese-style stir-fried fish, with an accompaniment of crab scrambled egg and oyster mushrooms(2)
Pigeon breasts Crapaudine(3)
Poulet au Fromage(4)
Tornedos Rossini (but with lambs' liver cos I do NOT do Fois Gras)(5)
Punch
Faisan a la Vigneronne(6)
Duck and avocado salad
Poached bananas with apicaot puree and a mould of banana and Kirshc flavoured custard
Bang Bang chicken (chinese dish of cold boiled chicken with chilli sesame sauce)
Whole crystallised fruits

Info for those who don't cook:
(1) Veloute: make stock by boiling chicken, pork, vegetables and herbs for 6-12 hours. Strain and throw away the solids. Heat butter and flour in a pan, whisk in the stock. Result= a thick, gooey cream-coloured sauce. Boil some more veggies in this for 4 hours. Strain it again. It's one of the two basic OMG French Grand Cuisine sauces. (the other is similar but you use beef and burn the flour and butter ;)

(2) Alcina tries to be inventive, by combining schools of cooking, in this case the 'three separate but matched things from Nouvelle cuisine with chinese cooking

(3) Don't look at me, I didn't invent the name:) Grilled pigeon breasts with a sauce made by boiling shallots and peppercorns in vinegar until 4/5 of it evaporates. Tastes a bit like Worcester sauce

(4) Casseroled chicken covered in veloute sauce with cheese grated over, put under the grill to brown

(5) AKA the most ridiculously expensive dish in the world. Slice of fried bread. On top, double thickness top quality fillet steak. On that fried liver (supposed to be fois gras, but it's cruel to geese. Anyway, I had some once and it wasn't as good as they say...) On top of that, truffles Served with a sauce containing expensive madeira wine.

(6) Pheasant in red wine and cream sauce with grapes and liver

Stop bloody procrastinating and go and read Tolkien. Before Annatar starts sending you dreams about fluffy bunnies.

In which post about several things

2009-09-23T13:10:43Z

1) Our wonderful national health service
The father of one of my mother's friends presented with a suspicious-looking mole on his arm. This was duly removed, and a biopsy sample sent off to the lab. The results were returned to the man's GP; it was indeed a malignant melanoma. GP immediately writes and signs a letter to the man, asking him to come and see him as the results of the test were worrying, and further treatment would be needed. He hands the letter to his secretary...who puts it among the patients notes instead of posting it. Fast-forward 18 months and the patient presents with severe abdominal pain, caused, not surprisingly, by massive, imoperable secondary tumours in the liver. At which point the letter is found. Patient and family are not too pleased...

2) Escoffier's Guide Culinaire,which is the textbook of Edwardian haute cuisine contains a number of recepies which make me wonder what on earth the French gourmet wouldn't eat at this time. Recipes include: Song thrushes in pastry cases, hearth-roasted blackbirds, skylark pate, buntings with mandarin oranges, spit-roast willow warblers, sandpipers with croutons, dotterel salmis, and poahced golden plover eggs.

Mind you, the 1890s edition of Mrs Beeton describes, among other things, the correct way to roast a corncrake...

3) Reading all of Tolkien is taking a great deal longer than I thought it would, in spite of my devoting at least 6 hours a day to it. I keep getting sidetracked by random iseas and spiritual things, as well as finding CRT's commentries so boring I have to read each paragraph 3 times before I mangae to concentrate all the way to the end. I am beginning to get heartily sick of the HoME.

However, I have now at last reached, in my chronological reading of drafts and books, that fateful day in December 1937 when he broke off yet another consecutive attempt to finish the Silmarillion (his 4th) to start writing a 'sequel to the Hobbit'.

4) The Museum Collection catalogue has a whole bunch of Winter Festival cards whch contain the greeting' Season's Greetings'. They only use 'Happy Christmas' when the image on the card is overtly Christian. Museum Collection FTW!

In which I answer a fandom meme (though my answers are not very interesting)

2009-09-22T21:13:19Z

Meme yanked from zigsternenstaub, though I'm not very active in the writing of fanfic, mostly in the reading of it

1. Can you remember the fandom of the first fanfiction you ever read?

Blake's 7, coutesy of tiggymalvern, who introduced me both the series and fanfic. In those days Teh Intarwebz was a glimmer in telnet's eye, and fanfic came in the post, badly photocopied and often overpriced.

2. What about the first one you ever wrote?
The Belgariad. And it was the worst sort of wish-fulfilment het porn,just in case the Belgariad itself wasn't bad enough. In mitigation, I didn't publish it and I didn't ever intend to; it was written solely to be shared with one school friend

3. What fandom of yours is the least well-known?
Italian opera? (What? Why can't I imagine fanfic about it?)

4. What pairing was the first slash story you ever read?
I think Avon/Blake

5. What about the first slash you ever wrote? If you haven't written any, why not?
I've never finished any for the simple reason that I never feel that I've got the characters down right. I have started several, of which I think the earliest was an Annatar/Thrain fic (set in Dol Guldur and was really rather nasty) that really wasn't working...

6. What is the most popular pairing you ship?
Well, I've written and published Voldemort/Bellatrix, so that must qualify

7. What is the least popular pairing you ship?
I refuse to remember the aforementioned Torak/Polgara of my school days...

8. Which fandoms do you actively participate in?
Prticipating would imply still having a life. Sorry, I don't.

9. Which, of these fandoms, who were the 3 characters who stayed with you the longest?
Here I'm not talking about fanfic, or pairings. Just what matters to me emotionally and spiritually.

Annatar (the Lord of Mordor), Melkor and, I guess the Master (Dr Who).

10. How much has what you read/write changed over the years?
I have stopped trying to write in the last 5 years. My creativity and will to live have been smothered and buried.

In which I post about various things

2009-09-21T12:55:31Z

So, The Aunt has departed. Yesterday, after her departure was spent at
Spurn on the mouth of the Humber. There had been East winds for some time, so not only were we at the peak of the Autumn migration but the winds had brought in some scarce stuff. There were plenty of redstarts and wheatears and "willowchaffs" flitting about, and 5 new birds for my Year List. There was a juvenile Woodhcat Shrike in bushes at Sammy's Point, a juvenile Red-backed Shrike among the scrub at the point (where I got a shck when my foot suddenly went through the roof of the decaying WW2 military buildings on which the scrub grows!), a Lapland bunting apparently trying to eat the Heligoland trap in the Parade Ground and a firecrest at Telegraph Pole Number 42 (some bloke was busy luring it out by playing the call of a rival male on his cellphone...naughty, but helpful!). I also finally saw a Pied Flycatcher, a bird which I had tried and failed to see in its Welsh bredding grounds several times. Year List=224

So now I am able to return to my sworn purpose of reading all of Tolkien. This is taking rather longer than I thought. "The History of Middle Earth" has a tendency to tie the brain in knots with all its different versions.

Speaking of Tolkien, and of Aunts, The Aunt has never managed to read the whole of LotR; she keeps getting bogged down and giving up *goes away to order her a Silmarillion for a Christmas present :) *